Fortune Favours The Brave!
Call That Sociopath Out!
Let me begin by thanking each one of you who responded to my last blog.
In case you missed it & need context, it’s here: Love, Trauma & Life with a Sociopath
The love & support I have received goes on to prove that life is beautiful. I cherish all the kind words. I am respectful of the stories that many of you have requested me not to publish but wanted to share with me personally.
In the first two weeks of publishing the last blog, I received over 400+ personal stories of dealing with a sociopath. Many of these stories involved years of torture, destruction, marriage and even kids. I cant even imagine that trauma. I truly empathize & admire the courage of the winners to eventually break out. Bravo!!
While I was reading through these emails, one common fact glared at me in the face. I didn’t receive any stories of calling these bullies out. That got me researching some more into why people do not speak up about the episode & what usually happens around it.
Now, many of you asked me what happened when I called the sociopath out? Was I worried, did he react? Do I feel safe?
Here’s what happened- he went running with his tail between his legs. He went into hiding for a few weeks & then started covering up tracks about all the false information like office addresses, educational qualification etc.
I am absolutely safe. Stronger & happier than ever. Working on myself to be able to help others. I have reached a point where my intent to spread awareness about the subject is far greater than the sociopath himself. He’s unimportant.
I wanted to share a few things which have helped me in my journey. It might be useful for those reading it too.
3 Steps To Deal With Trauma
Step #1: Sharing With Someone Trusted
If something doesn’t sit right with your logic, if your gut is confused & actions are patterned- NEVER rationalize it. As intelligent people, we have lived our entire lives with values & principles. When someone we meet, confuses us with behavior, which is in contradiction to our learning, something is surely wrong.
At such a point, its always nice to speak to someone you trust. Somebody with an outsider’s view. Its tough to share one’s deepest problems candidly but that’s the first step to reclaiming your life. Sociopaths instill guilt in your heart that you should never speak ill about them to anybody. They isolate you from your friends so that you cant get help.
I chose to reach out to a friend whom I hadn’t been in regular touch, for all the above reasons. But hey, that’s what good friends are about. When I made that one call out of the blue & said I needed help, they were there for me.
What are the chances that the first person I spoke with had knowledge on sociopaths? Almost none. But I did share my grief & I did get that help miraculously. The universe conspires in mysterious ways to help us. And that’s why I said- Fortune favors the brave.
That one call, one act of reaching out & having the guts to share my trauma changed my life forever. I went on to then share these details with my close circle of friends who stood by me rock solid through it all. We discussed the best ways to address the situation at hand.
Step #2: Accepting & Asking For Help
I was utterly distressed. I knew I needed help. I wanted to feel better. This is not how I was used to living my life.
Recognizing that you need help is a life changing experience. You have to kill your ego & admit that you aren’t perfect. You have been hurt by a mentally incapacitated person & you need to build a part you right from scratch.
It was a tiring & frustrating experience to meet with psychiatrists/ psychologists. Often, I would feel so physically drained with the conversation that I almost wanted to give up. That’s where the support system comes into play. Make sure they know the steps you are taking. You will need a push to keep going. No matter how confusing it looks, I promise you, it will get better. Different people take different amount of time. Don’t compare your healing to anyone else. Just keep going.
Asking for help also includes listening to expert advice. Emotional distress can tempt us into acting irrationally. You need to keep a firm resolve to not fall into the trap. For example, I was advised to completely cut off from the sociopath, no matter what the circumstances. It was tough for me since he & his mother continued to torture me with their mind games. They wouldn’t give up.
I wanted to confront them. I was angry, upset & hurt. But, I listened to the experts. I understood that any engagement would have been toxic for me. Slowly, as the web of lies fell apart, I had no desire left in me to see him or his dysfunctional family.
Step #3: Standing Up & Calling The Bullshit Out
I have said it before & I am saying it again- call the person out! Even if you do not want to identify him publicly. I didn’t. But make sure that you share your experience. People will read your story & become more aware. I know a few of you did manage to identify dysfunctional people around you after reading my last blog. Such content makes people think, read.
Sociopaths are all around us. They hide in plain sight, often disguising themselves as lovers, partners, colleagues, boss, friends etc. Would you want anyone dear to you, to go through the same trauma? Don’t you wish that people would talk about these disorders?
I had my own set of apprehensions when I penned my first blog. I assure you that its not an easy task to throw open your entire life to scrutiny. My friends, colleagues, clients are all connected to me on social media & there’s always the possibility of being judged.
However, that fear was superseded by a firm determination to help trigger a conversation on this topic. And it did. And how!
I also reached out to the few entrepreneurs this sociopath claimed to be his close friends in the ecosystem. It turned out to be nothing more than a bunch of loose lies. Some of these entrepreneurs hadn’t met him in years & many had never even spoken to him.
It was on my conscience to warn the few women he always brought into the picture for triangulation. As expected, it was just his evil mind at work. This lovely lady entrepreneur, whom he claimed to have had a torrid affair with, had never even met him! Another bright, senior professional said he was just a vendor & similarly another one said that she met him just once in her life with zero intimate conversations ever. This wonderful lady who had the misfortune of interning with him very briefly, many years ago, said that the biz stories were shady even then. And of course, she had no personal relationship with him even though he tried. Tsk tsk.
Sum total of these conversations was that there were NO EX GIRLFRIENDS chasing him. Each of them wondered how he could ever spin stories about them without any context. Well, if only Sociopaths had any logical reasoning. The stories were meant to traumatise & depict other women in poor light.
I am glad that they are aware & my conscience is stronger than ever.
Sociopaths Are Bullies
All it really takes to tackle a person like that is to Stand Up & Speak Up.
Don’t you ever let anyone make you feel lesser than what you deserve. Speaking up is an important part of healing. Firstly, it takes away the power from the sociopath to hurt you. Secondly, it empowers you with confidence in your own honesty.
No matter how many office addresses this particular Sociopath changes, how many identities he assumes, fact is that he knows that we know. And now, there is a always a probability of being found out. And called out.
If more people speak up, these sociopaths will find it impossible to hide. Their confidence is shallow. It takes only one person to stand up in order for their game to fall apart.
Lets not be like them- without conscience.
Identify dysfunctional relationships, reach out to people, build a support system, ask for help & then smash the lies straight out of the window.
Remember- Fortune Favours The Brave.
Special Note: many of you wanted to share your stories anonymously. Yes, I am happy to help you there. Please do send me your stories in comments, I wont make your id public if you mention that.
Do feel free to use this platform to empower others and reclaim your own life.
Have a lovely week ahead!